UPDATE! (3 years later =p)

Hi,

You'd hoped I've grown up in these 3 years?
I guess I am.
All grown up.
Grown up to my troubles,
Grown up to my worries,
Most importantly,
Grown up to you,
Resistant to you,
Unaffected,
Over you.

Slowly but surely i will get there,
A peaceful place where there is everything,
Everything I needed,
Everything but you.

I hate that you mean everything to me,
When I am nothing to you,
Your sweet empty words echoed through my brain,
Four years, I believed,
When you say that you love me,
Did you really?

What I did is the best I could,
Your ignorance, your act,
They're bound to reveal themselves,
What hurts the most is that,
My pain, insignificant to you,
I, insignificant to you.

You're a damn coward,
You deserve her and her you,
Promise myself that I wont succumb,
I wont go back to my dark past,
What had happened, happened,

I'll survive this,
And when I do, I'll come back stronger,
InshaAllah =)

Landslide

" Well I've been afraid of changes,
Coz I built my life around you
Well time makes you bolder, children gets older,
I'm getting older too

So I, took my love and I took it down
Climb a mountain and I turn around
And I saw my reflection through the snow covered hills
and the landslide brought me down"

Yup, that phrase perfectly describe my situation right now
and that is so wrong of me
to have built my life around you.
when i shouldve built my life around my  Maker
Allah the Almighty

Now I face the consequences

I should try to think about it like this

Maybe with him gone I would gain new perspective in life
With him gone, I can dekatkan diri dengan Allah SWT lagi
With him gone, I'll discover a whole new world

Trying hard to find the silver lining in this one

Sebenarnye, ko poyo apesal. Padehal ade org lg penting and ber hak dari ko die left behind

Drng tk kate ape pun

And maybe, if he ignore me so much, that I finally be able to leave him

For good..

In Shaa Allah.

Whirlwind Emotions

Since last Friday.. My emotions are going whirlwind and i'm pretty sure 50% of it is because of you.
The other 50% is because of my dissertation.

I seriously can't bear the thought of you going so far away from me. Not being able to see you every other day, is just ...

No words syg..

I've been crying non stop since last Sunday, (yup the menstrual cycle sure does help) and I am patiently waiting for this phase to wear out. I hope it's soon coz this is no joke man.

Ape sy nak buat kalau sy rindu nanti?
I kinda lost my motivation to go to work now.
And how about our little arrangement? How will it works out?

Arggghhh

*menghadapi masalah tekanan emosi*

Syg je la kawan sy.. tempat sy mengadu..tempat hilangkan stress..

sigh..

And i'm sure i'll be selfish if i asked you not to go

I mean it's responsibility. Your responsibility

Sy berdoa supaya emosi sy ditenangkan dan sy berdoa supaya ada hikmah disebalik ap yang terjadi.

Sy berdoa supaya Allah tunjuk ap jalan yang terbaik untuk kita..
Sy berdoa supaya Allah kurangkan perasaan ini dan menghindari sy daripada ap yang tak baik untuk saya
Sy berdoa untuk semua yang baik baik saja untuk kita.

In shaa Allah.

Trying Hard to Understand

I'm struggling to understand
I think I'm failing
To understand
Your situation
My importance

If it was me
I'd die to let you know
To let you understand
To let you in

But I guess you are not me
You are you
This is your way
Your decision
Your jurisdiction

It bites me and my ego

I'm hoping otherwise

It couldve been handled better
But like I said
It's all you
And none of me

I'm biting my tongue to not  say a word
Or I'll come off self-centered
I'm not the King of You
or Kind of anything

Silence is my best weapon
Against you and against myself

I bet my life on me winning

intensifying My Prayers

Hmm...

I think that the 2nd of October is da bomb and it's very hard to top that up.

Sorry but thats just what I though and I had a feeling that you'd feel the same.

Ok changing topics, right now I'm kinda okay of not seeing you for a bit. I guess I kinda grew up..

haha ok tknak berlagak nnt nangis

I'm in the process of doubling and meng-intensify my prayers.. in shaa Allah..

Infinity

Down to Earth
It's like I'm frozen, but the world still turns
Stuck in motion, and the wheels keep spinning 'round
Moving in reverse with no way out

How many nights does it take to count the stars?
That's the time it would take to fix my heart
Oh, baby, I was there for you
All I ever wanted was the truth, yeah, yeah

How many nights have you wished someone would stay?
Lie awake only hoping they're okay
I never counted all of mine
If I tried, I know it would feel like infinity
Infinity, infinity, yeah
Infinity

And now I'm one step closer to being two steps far from you
When everybody wants you

_______________________________________________

How many days I wished while lying there with you
That you would just stayed just a while longer
But my wish, only remains as a wish
You would just leave after

And how many times my heart broke into a million pieces
Seeing you walk away like nothing's happened
When reality is you really don't care
Like I do

Confettis and Samburu elephants inside my heart

The confetti part:

1- You asked me to come.

"Kalau boleh datang la esok..
  Sekejap pun jadi la"

You know I'd do anything for you syg

2- I get to see you. I get to do stuff for you. I get to hug you.
    And you whisper in my ear,

"Jangan tinggalkan saya.."

That is all that I needed. Nothing else matter anymore.
Kalau kena tipu then tipu lah..IDC.

The Samburu elephants part :

If you guys don't know what Samburu elephants are. here are the image from Google Street View.

Ok now, imagine the elephant, inside my heart.

Thats is how I felt when I'm leaving you. Wish I couldve stayed way longer.
To take care of you.
Uwaaa.. sedih..