Landslide

" Well I've been afraid of changes,
Coz I built my life around you
Well time makes you bolder, children gets older,
I'm getting older too

So I, took my love and I took it down
Climb a mountain and I turn around
And I saw my reflection through the snow covered hills
and the landslide brought me down"

Yup, that phrase perfectly describe my situation right now
and that is so wrong of me
to have built my life around you.
when i shouldve built my life around my  Maker
Allah the Almighty

Now I face the consequences

I should try to think about it like this

Maybe with him gone I would gain new perspective in life
With him gone, I can dekatkan diri dengan Allah SWT lagi
With him gone, I'll discover a whole new world

Trying hard to find the silver lining in this one

Sebenarnye, ko poyo apesal. Padehal ade org lg penting and ber hak dari ko die left behind

Drng tk kate ape pun

And maybe, if he ignore me so much, that I finally be able to leave him

For good..

In Shaa Allah.

Whirlwind Emotions

Since last Friday.. My emotions are going whirlwind and i'm pretty sure 50% of it is because of you.
The other 50% is because of my dissertation.

I seriously can't bear the thought of you going so far away from me. Not being able to see you every other day, is just ...

No words syg..

I've been crying non stop since last Sunday, (yup the menstrual cycle sure does help) and I am patiently waiting for this phase to wear out. I hope it's soon coz this is no joke man.

Ape sy nak buat kalau sy rindu nanti?
I kinda lost my motivation to go to work now.
And how about our little arrangement? How will it works out?

Arggghhh

*menghadapi masalah tekanan emosi*

Syg je la kawan sy.. tempat sy mengadu..tempat hilangkan stress..

sigh..

And i'm sure i'll be selfish if i asked you not to go

I mean it's responsibility. Your responsibility

Sy berdoa supaya emosi sy ditenangkan dan sy berdoa supaya ada hikmah disebalik ap yang terjadi.

Sy berdoa supaya Allah tunjuk ap jalan yang terbaik untuk kita..
Sy berdoa supaya Allah kurangkan perasaan ini dan menghindari sy daripada ap yang tak baik untuk saya
Sy berdoa untuk semua yang baik baik saja untuk kita.

In shaa Allah.

Trying Hard to Understand

I'm struggling to understand
I think I'm failing
To understand
Your situation
My importance

If it was me
I'd die to let you know
To let you understand
To let you in

But I guess you are not me
You are you
This is your way
Your decision
Your jurisdiction

It bites me and my ego

I'm hoping otherwise

It couldve been handled better
But like I said
It's all you
And none of me

I'm biting my tongue to not  say a word
Or I'll come off self-centered
I'm not the King of You
or Kind of anything

Silence is my best weapon
Against you and against myself

I bet my life on me winning

intensifying My Prayers

Hmm...

I think that the 2nd of October is da bomb and it's very hard to top that up.

Sorry but thats just what I though and I had a feeling that you'd feel the same.

Ok changing topics, right now I'm kinda okay of not seeing you for a bit. I guess I kinda grew up..

haha ok tknak berlagak nnt nangis

I'm in the process of doubling and meng-intensify my prayers.. in shaa Allah..

Infinity

Down to Earth
It's like I'm frozen, but the world still turns
Stuck in motion, and the wheels keep spinning 'round
Moving in reverse with no way out

How many nights does it take to count the stars?
That's the time it would take to fix my heart
Oh, baby, I was there for you
All I ever wanted was the truth, yeah, yeah

How many nights have you wished someone would stay?
Lie awake only hoping they're okay
I never counted all of mine
If I tried, I know it would feel like infinity
Infinity, infinity, yeah
Infinity

And now I'm one step closer to being two steps far from you
When everybody wants you

_______________________________________________

How many days I wished while lying there with you
That you would just stayed just a while longer
But my wish, only remains as a wish
You would just leave after

And how many times my heart broke into a million pieces
Seeing you walk away like nothing's happened
When reality is you really don't care
Like I do

Confettis and Samburu elephants inside my heart

The confetti part:

1- You asked me to come.

"Kalau boleh datang la esok..
  Sekejap pun jadi la"

You know I'd do anything for you syg

2- I get to see you. I get to do stuff for you. I get to hug you.
    And you whisper in my ear,

"Jangan tinggalkan saya.."

That is all that I needed. Nothing else matter anymore.
Kalau kena tipu then tipu lah..IDC.

The Samburu elephants part :

If you guys don't know what Samburu elephants are. here are the image from Google Street View.

Ok now, imagine the elephant, inside my heart.

Thats is how I felt when I'm leaving you. Wish I couldve stayed way longer.
To take care of you.
Uwaaa.. sedih..

Maybe I'm missing you

I MISS YOU SO MUCH

T__T

Mine & Your Fight Song

*Rachel Platten's Fight Song playing in my earphones*

This is my fight song
Take-back-my-life song
Proof-I'm Alright song

My power's turned on 
Right now I'll be strong
Cause you've still got a lot of fight left in you

Yup syg.. You still got a lot to fight for in your worldly life
For your loved ones
and I'm hoping
For me

Cause right now I'll proof that I'm alright
And you too need to be alright
For us

You are strong I know
But sometimes I can see you are weak as well
You cover that up pretty convincingly
You are scared and that's okay baby
Tell me whenever you are feeling afraid
I'll take your hand and hold you close to my heart
My hands in your hair, your face on my shoulder
Everything will be okay
In Shaa Allah

Saya rindu..
Sobs T__T

The Beginning of Our Temporary Goodbye

Lets just say that the last time we saw each other, it was magical... *insert fitting fireworks gif here*
Simply the best..

So, my nasihat is, you take care of yourself, eat healthy, drink loads of water, doa to Allah banyak2, and jangan mengelejat sangat boleh tak..

In Shaa Allah everything will go smoothly and I pray that you will get better very very soon because I cant stand being apart from you even for a minute.

Ingat sy selalu..

Bye
Assalamualaikum syg.

Day 05 of #8weeksofukwrehab

Day 05

I am the kinda person who likes her music, and like to match the feelings I felt at that moment with the music that I;m listening.


So in the past few days that my emotions have gone stray, I found myself listening to

1) Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One
I know most people have a love/hate relationship with this song, so just hear out the reasons.
I found myself thinking, what if? What if youre not the one for me. I mean I never ever EVER felt the way I do for you with someone else. Even with *e*o.. (I just have to do that do i? =p)

"If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side"








Ok reading this can tear me up.. sobs sobs

Why the heck does my relationship need to be this damn complicated!


I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life 

This literally sums up my feelings..
And silly me crying on my bed at nights when you said to take care of myself and to not to worry about him so much..(yup, like thats gonna happen)

2) Bruno Mars - Talking To The Moon

"I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back

At night when the stars light up my room
I sit by myself talking to the moon.
Trying to get to you
In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?"

Yes syg.. I want you back. Like now. Sekarang.
I think the longest we go without seeing each other is 2 weeks (raya hrtu) and damn it's hard. It's too damn hard. And now, with no prospects of seeing him for the next 3 months is... I dont know.. Heartbreaking. Sadness.

Saya sentiasa doakan syg.

Hopefully I'll survive without major incidents.
 

Day 04 of #8weeksofukwrehab

Day 04


Hi...How have you been doing since last I texted you? I seriously hope that you are not currently in any pain whatsoever, but I know I am asking too much. Of course youre in pain.You broke your shoulder bone in 3 pieces, got a metal plate to tie them all together, broke 4 ribs and dislocated your legs.


I simply have no words to describe the way I am feeling right now.
And the worst part of it all is that I am not there to see you, or help you in any way possible.
I guess that comes with the territory, I shouldve known better.


But lets not make this about me. I'll swallow my feelings.

Hope you take your medications in time, eat proper foods, drinks lotsa milk and dont think about anything else. I know youre in good hands.Focus on getting better. Please.

I think about the accident everyday and maybe, just maybe that Allah loves you so much that he didnt took you away. Just so we correct the ways we are living. Repent. Leave whats not suppose to be done. Thats the way I see it. This is a warning of His wrath and should never be taken for granted.

Everyday I pray for your speedy recovery and may He ease all your errands, whatever it is. In shaa Allah.


And quickly come back to me.

Day 03 of #8weeksofukwrehab

Day 03

Ignorant. Oblivion. Uninformed.
3 adjectives to describe my situation.
To describe me. As of now
I am uninformed
I am ignored
I am unimportant

But I have been for almost a year now
I know the facts, the truth, the stinging certainty
That I have been, and will always be
If the path I choose is the path I am leaning towards right about now
I would choose otherwise if there is nothing to blind me

3 days now. Only 3 questions answered.
I have not even given  a chance
There I was, still am
In the dark shadows, in the not-knowing
Useless.Futile.
Maybe I am nothing to you

I instruct myself to understand.
To put myself in your shoes
Like I have been doing all this while
Slowing my instruction eating me away
Bit by bit. Little by little

Have I no right to you?
No responsibility?
I'd like to have some please
Some obligation to you
If you could give me some
If you would

Yes, you can never fathom what I feel
And I would never wish you feel the same
For anyone especially me
Because I know you could not bear it
Because it hurts me so much
To be living like ghosts
No direction and no clue
And you're the reason for that

**
I am worried about you and I think you should know
I know you're hurting, but please by any chance
Let me know.

I feel so useless sitting here and being no help to you
You have given me nothing to work with
And it hurts me to my bone that I know nothing

I beg of you

**

From the desk of a civil servant

ok where to start first.

Obvie saye takde kerja nk buat.ergo this post
ok i lied.. ade je kerja nak buat, but because of this week aku hanya kerja sehari je. so mood kerja tiada lah. BTW, it's friday ok.. so cut me some slack.

time now 1155, 15 mins more and i'm out baby.. rs cm nak blk rumah tdo sat..hehe..tgk la cmne

so hows life u ask? (tkde org tny pun jgn nak perasan sgt)

life's pretty hectic right now.. (if u know what i mean) lotsa things to think through.. for the future..

hati berdebar bila fikir masalah ni.. but i have to face it i guess. YES or NO?

I need more time. Whether to go through with it or just end it right here right  now..
If betul nak teruskan, i have to face the consequences. If taknak, then i have to bersiap sedia with all the things that will follow after.. for example all the Tee Eee Ay Ar Es?

haha.. sgt coding kn.. the fact is i cannot imagine my life wihout S1000..
isit enough though? to live based on that fact alone?

argghh..

seteress sgt ok...

And all of the other people i need to think about esp the samonim.
shes gonna have a fit if she finds out.haha

ok out for now..

ok my resolutio for 2015 is : leaner muscle, lesser fat!